Spirals

Ever feel like you're going around in circles, or repeating the same pattern or drama? How about the irritating thought, "I already did this, learned this, been there, done that. Why is this happening again?"

Every single one of my clients has experienced this. Somehow, we think that once we've mastered something in our lives, it will magically disappear, never reappear again. We know that life is cyclical and yet we're surprised that patterns repeat, systems stay the same, and the vast majority resist change.

Many of us are buying into a black and white perspective that goes something like, "Once I learn this lesson, it will disappear."  But this is simplistic; is it not?

When you find yourself in familiar territory, look beyond the conclusion that you are going backwards. Regression is not the only explanation.

Life isn't linear...and it's not just circular either. How about a multidimensional spiral? It may appear that we are going back over older territory, but this territory may have gained other dimensions since our last "return." I like to think of wisdom as just that--added dimensions. Many of us start with the linear, the straight line. Then we recognize the circle. Then we recognize the spiral. then we start to experience the double helix, the tertiary and quaternary structures. And, perhaps, eventually, the structure is so complex that even the most brilliant physicists cannot come up with the equation of life.

You are the only one who can define your experience. No one else. Are you regressing? Are you revisiting? Is this merely a passing thought? Is there a pearl of wisdom here--something, perhaps, you didn't see the last time? Are you creating drama? Are you feeling sorry for yourself? Are you avoiding the next step? Are you putting together your equation of life?

Only you know.

New Year’s Trans-solutions

This time, I’ve tossed New Year’s Resolutions out the window. Instead, I’m going to make New Year's Trans-solutions. Why? Because the usual resolutions, the usual solutions, just aren’t going to work in 2011. Our present time is defined by a multitude of changes and high stakes.

What’s called for? Transformation on all levels. These last two years have brought extensive and prolonged deconstruction. All around us, previously established structures are falling, and the ones that haven’t yet are ready to topple.

This isn’t just about letting go and moving on; this is about carefully rummaging through the rubble and recycling what we can in new and innovative ways. What is called for is restructuring. This requires creative solutions. Personally, resolutions don’t feel appropriate. They sound too permanent, unyielding, conservative, and conventional to be useful. They don’t feel appropriate on a global level, either.

Qualities that do feel appropriate, both personally and globally, are transmutation and transformation—so how about trans-solutions?

Definition? Solutions that are relevant, flexible, creative, transitional, and transformative. Solutions that can grow with us. Solutions that are, by their very nature, unconventional.

Wow! Do you feel the difference? When I hear the word resolution my gut and chest tighten. This word constricts. Perhaps this is because most New Year’s resolutions fail. In contrast, the (albeit, made-up) word trans-solution, carries expansive energy. Trans-solutions, by definition, cannot fail, because, in times of great change, they are essential to our survival. What trans-solutions lay in your 2011 path?

Let us know. I’m off to contemplate mine.


*Would you like to hear more about trans-solutions, resolutions and transformation in 2011?
I was Melanie DewBerry Jones' guest on her radio show, Everyday Spirituality, "Resolute THIS!" on Monday January 3, 2010 4pm PST. You may listen to part of it here.

2010: Year of the Moon –Year of Women

This is the time of year when we review 2010 and prepare for 2011.

Two thousand ten. There is so much that can be said.

It was a wild and crazy year. Massive change. Most of us were thrown out of our comfort zone, pushed to the edge.

Did you jump? Or did you get pushed off?

Those were the only two choices in 2010.

And we made it through to arrive at the total lunar eclipse on the winter solstice, an event last visible in North America in 1638! Monumental!

This eclipse sums up the year for me:

Magical. There is something awesome about a total lunar eclipse. It brings out the mystical in each of us. In times of great darkness magic appears.

Unexpected. Our weather forecast included clouds and rain. The irregular dance of the clouds revealed and concealed the progression of the shadowed moon. Minutes after the sky turned completely dark, the clouds suddenly parted, revealing a bright burnt-orange colored sphere. Our weather and our lives have become unpredictable. We are learning to expect the unexpected.

Earthly. Yes, earthly. The moon became the color of the red-orange earth, reminding us that this constantly changing orb is intricately connected to our earth and to us.

Feminine. We think of the moon as feminine, but, in fact, the ancients credited the moon with both feminine and masculine qualities. 2010 was a year in which women played more dominant roles, and the plight of women, world-wide, gained unprecedented attention. The seemingly opposite and cyclical properties of the moon remind us that bringing the feminine back into balance means bringing the masculine into balance as well.

Cyclical. This year, more than any year before it, we have become acutely aware of the cycles of life and death, how everything is connected. There is a time to expand and a time to contract. Unrestricted growth can no longer be supported at all cost. Dissolution and restructuring are a necessary part of growth.

Light. With great darkness comes great light. 2010 was a year of great darkness and of great light. Within the shadow, watch for the light.


Missed it? Watch it here:

Want more? You're not alone.
Here are some of my fav Lunar Eclipse/Winter Solstice posts:

Visionary  artist, writer, and feng shui consultant Marjory Mejia on her Sacred Flow site:  Winter Solstice and Rebirth 

Karen Sharp’s Sister Moon

Life and relationship coach, leader, writer and musician Kathy Loh: Winter Solstice Surrender - Into the Light

Deconstruction

Collapsed column, upper site, Delphi

Have you been feeling unclear, uncertain, unsettled? If the “un”s describe you, don’t distress. You aren’t alone. I’ve lost count of how many friends, this last week, have said they feel on the precipice of an abyss. Some have described the ground crumbling away beneath their feet. Others have been anxious and fearful without understanding the source.

Natural disasters, such as earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, and flashfloods, coupled with human disasters, such as the BP oil spill and continuing financial crises, have left usually solid souls grasping the eroding cliff’s edge.

If this description is familiar, you are not going crazy, although it can certainly feel this way. Instead, you are probably more sensitive than you realize. You are picking up on tremendous change. Just as animals detect and flee forthcoming natural disasters (elephants, for example, are quite good at detecting earthquakes), so do you. Your body and psyche are linked to the greater whole and are registering enormous change--and it’s scaring the bejeezus out of you.

But, here’s the thing. We all know that these changes are inevitable. We need to shift big-time, both personally and as part of the human race. So, if change is coming no matter what we do, doesn’t it make sense to go with it, rather than halt and defend? Remind me-- what exactly are we defending? An old way of being that is completely unsustainable?

A wise friend shared this pearl with me long ago: deconstruction is inevitable, necessary even; creation follows.

In order for anything new to be created, the old must fall away. Eventually, everything deconstructs into its essential building blocks. If we allow this, we may find that what we built wasn’t as solid as we thought, because the building blocks, themselves, weren’t solid. Solidity is almost impossible to determine from the outside in. The truth becomes clear only when we allow inessential elements to fall away.

So, if you think everything is falling apart, you are correct. But rather than trying to protect the old flawed structure, let it collapse. Gather solid building blocks, and place your attention on the structure you will now build, the one that is sustainable, the one that will last for the rest of your life. You’re older and wiser now. Imagine what you will create!

Black Gold Metaphor

As the oil spill in the gulf continues, I can’t help but see this as a metaphor.

Oil. It used to be our answer to everything… fuel, energy, plastics. Yes, we’ve become dependent on oil, addicted, even. You’ve heard it all. This once black gold has been blamed for war and countless deaths. We seem unable to function without it. And as with all addictions, all places of stuck-ness, we aren’t willing to let it go until we have no other choice--until our relationship to it becomes so abusive that the decision is made for us--and then we go through painful withdrawal.

No matter what BP does, the leak continues, the effects multiply, and the catastrophe spreads. Yes, natural wildlife is destroyed, mutated, affected in ways we cannot conceive. And now, the first signs of untoward effects on humans surface. I’m not speaking economics; I’m speaking illness. Weekend national news broadcasted a scene from the cleanup crew’s condensed four-hour training session. Employees were warned that one out of seven (did I hear correctly?) could develop exposure-related cancer. No one left the room. WHAT? Let me say that again. No one left the room.

What does it take for us to wake up, to accept responsibility? Just as BP execs are scrambling, so should we.

Here we go. What part of you is leaking energy at such a tremendous rate that it cannot be controlled? What will it take to contain it? How much of your life and the lives of others will be destroyed because you couldn’t walk away; you refused to move on to other more sustainable forms of energy? What once was your black gold that is no more? Pounds of caffeine, sugar, fat or animal protein? Drugs or drama? Escape? Physical or emotional addictions? Are you hanging onto an old job that is killing you? An old relationship? What’s keeping you trapped? Fear? The hole has burst open. Nothing will close it. Is it too late to repair the damage you’ve caused? When will you finally let go and move on? What will it take?

Supposedly, BP had a bunch of backups, and they all failed. When something is defective or just plain wrong, there’s no going back. We can come up with all kinds of excuses, the same ones we tell ourselves, but we know it’s time—it’s been time—to move on.

***
For more, see 10 Life Lessons Learned from the BP Oil Spill on SelfGrowth.com.

Fear Factor

We are fearful, even terrified, of anything new or different, of change.

I was reminded, tonight, that this fear begins at an incredibly early age. Sometime between our toddler years and kindergarten it hits us--the notion that the world is not a safe place.

Our French friends were visiting for the first time in over twenty years. My four-year old nephew, usually the (only) life of the party suddenly became shy and refused to go anywhere near one of our friends. She had made an attempt to play a game with him, a French version of peek-a-boo, and it scared the beejeezus out of him. I suggested that perhaps he was frightened by her accent, explaining that she sounded different, because she lived in France. He latched onto that explanation, but stuck to his position, which was several rooms away from hers. I traumatized him further by incorrectly assuming that the kitchen coast was clear. Big mistake! She was there. (Bad Auntie! Will he ever forgive me? Even worse, have I scarred him for life?)

Later, I explained that our French friends had grandchildren his age that played in big sand dunes at their beach home in Arcachon, just like he had played in sand dunes with his cousin in Death Valley. I then, out of guilt mostly, stayed glued to his side in the kitchen while he ate his rice and beans. I promised him that I would never ever leave his side again. It took half the night and a serious one-on-one talk with Mommy before he relinquished his fear and not only spoke to our friends but embraced them into our family.

Looking back I am amazed that he was able to do this, and in less than a couple of hours—a rather remarkable feat, considering that, as adults, it may take us years, if not lifetimes, to relinquish similar fears. Neither my mother’s words nor my inner strength was powerful enough to extinguish similar fears that I have held. Not only that, my nephew had no reason to trust me after I steered him wrong (Yes, I still feel horrible about it.). And yet, trust us he did.

So what happens to us? Do we lose our trust? Do we lose our resilience? When does the world become so large, so unsafe, that we lose our sense of control and personal power?

I don’t have answers for you today, just questions:

1. What is your greatest fear?

2. What area(s) of your life feel(s) the most out of your control?

3. Are there people in your life that scare you? Why?

4. When was the last time that you experienced something different or new? Perhaps a different food or activity, met new people, traveled to a new place, learned something new…
What was that experience like for you?

5. What was the last thing you did that pushed you beyond your usual comfort zone? How did you feel afterwards?

6. What do you wish you could do or experience that you haven’t yet, because it scares you?

7. If you could change anything about you or your life, what would it be?

8. When did you feel the safest and most powerful in your life? Where were you? Who were you with? What were you doing?

9. Including yourself, who is/are the most powerful person(s) in your life?

10. From where does your strength come?

The first step is to ask the questions. The second is to avoid censoring your responses. Sometimes merely bringing these questions into your conscious awareness is enough to begin the process of change.

As for me--I’m going to hang out with these questions for a bit and with my nephew a whole lot more…I have a lot to learn from him!