"Walk Like a Man. Talk Like a Man."

I’m feeling discouraged today, discouraged by the old stuff that women hang onto. My generation has had to try so hard to make it in the male world that we’ve taken on the same imbalances. We’ve learned to value independence to the extreme. We had to, because it was what was respected and expected. It has surprised me, especially when I encountered this in the medical field. One would think that we would naturally ask one another for help, that we would work together. Wasn’t that the advantage of working within a group of physicians? But my residency experience was just the opposite. Although we as residents would help one another, we were expected to do it all on our own, often times juggling several different roles. For example, when we covered labor and delivery at night in our hospital, we were responsible for all of the admitted laboring patients, the evaluation of urgent pregnant patients, and all of the gynecological, prenatal and postpartum in-house patients. This amounted to a lot of patients. There was one other resident in house, covering gynecological emergencies and surgeries, and an attending physician; however, the more we could do without their help, the better.

In retrospect, it was a bit ridiculous. This plan was justified by the fact that it was essential that we learn how to prioritize, that it would prepare us for similar circumstances in the future. Some defended this system by citing the additional experience the sheer volume would provide us over a specified number of years--four, in this case.

I remember, though, what bothered me the most --when women did not help other women. Thankfully, this was rare. I worked with a group of excellent female physicians and ancillary staff, who were very supportive. Occasionally, however, there would be a woman who worked in the hospital that treated the female residents worse than the male residents. Today, I spoke with a Greek friend who is doing his surgical residency in Scotland. He reminded me of this when he said that his fiancée is experiencing the same discriminatory behavior from some of the female nurses at their hospital. This is still happening, twenty years later.

We, as women, have taken the masculine trait of independence to the extreme. We are threatened by and in competition with other women, still. Some part of us continues to believe that it is better if we do it all on our own, without anyone’s help. Then, when we have accomplished an extraordinary amount, we hesitate to extend a hand to another woman, because we are still competing and because we sacrificed so much to achieve our goals. This is such a strange unnatural behavior for women. I understand why it has happened, but it saddens me immensely.

I could not have survived my medical training if it weren’t for my two female friends, who were also residents. They saved my life.

Nothing great has ever been accomplished alone. What will it take before we trust one another again?

I thank all of you, women and men, who have trusted me and supported me. None of my accomplishments in life would have occurred without you. More important, you have kept me sane and made my goals meaningful.

Calling All Fem Gyns!

I’m pleased to announce that the Feminine Gynecologists,
Fem Gyns--for short, are finally coming out!

Back in 1990, when I completed my Obstetrics and Gynecology training, I was all alone. If other Feminine Gynecologists existed, they weren't shouting about it. Ironically, embracing all that is feminine did not get us very far in the world of caring for females. We took birth control pills to stop our periods (Who could leave a ten-hour surgery to change their tampon?) We deprived ourselves of food, sleep, sex, making it to the bathroom. We never let go. Never gave up. Our relationships went into the trash, along with our souls. My fellow female residents who were most likely to succeed—and survive—were those with very caring, nurturing partners. This did not stop three of the nine women from becoming pregnant at the same time and, miraculously, carrying their babies to term. I heard that one resident had to finish rounding on the post-partum patients before the attending physician allowed her to proceed to labor and delivery to deliver her own baby…but that’s another story.

I was terrified to discover that at the end of a four-year program centered on caring for women, I had learned, instead, to hate all in myself and others that is feminine. It took traveling over six thousand miles to Greece to find my Feminine again.

That is why it makes “my heart sing” when I discover women like Dr. Lissa Rankin, an artist, writer, mother, Gynecologist, and “wild thing,” who is embracing her Feminine and helping other women do the same. See: http://owningpink.com and http://www.owningpink.blogspot.com

I would like to provide a forum for all of us recovering Fem Gyns to share our healing stories. So, I’m putting a call out to my Co-Fem Gyns and Fem Docs. It’s finally safe to come out! Please share your healing stories with us.

I am so glad that you are here. Welcome home!

E-mail your stories to: rebecca@rebeccaelia.com
Stories can be viewed at: www.rebeccaelia.com